This morning I was stiff ... and yawning in my sunday yoga. My body just did not want to wake up .... till my second sun salutation. The moment came back to me and flowed to my toes. I'm always able to know if I feel off balance or not. This week I was reading a refreshing yoga article about how yoga does not always make us feel good. Words felt very real to me .... because sometimes yoga does not make feel good. Sometimes I'm frustrated or angry or feel stuck. I feel unable to fully give myself to a pose. The author suggests it is because yoga makes us more in tune to our emotions and if we are feeling unbalanced or angry or stuck .... it will come out in yoga. Today I just kinda felt stuck.
I feel like I am waiting for my life to start. And I've been waiting 33 years for it to finally began. I guess I should start living it now. I need to wrap my head around the idea ... that life is happening right now and everything I am experiencing. Nothing new is going to start .... until I can feel today. I am not sure what I need to feel my life is starting ... and maybe I am afraid to finally start living my own life. It's easier to hide ... than chose to be bold.
I've always been shy ... and readying Eckhart Tolle's concept of shyness and relating to the ego touched me ... I was ruled my ego and afraid of judgement from other people .... because I might not be able to live up to the image self built in my head. And this keeping from the present.
The need to be in control of every aspect is overwhelming and exhausting for me. I control almost every part of my life ... I am concerned at getting to the front of the line rushing to be first without enjoying the moments.
What part of me fears being myself. I need to put my ego to sleep.
PS I made a lovely salad for lunch and had a pedicure .... wonderful treat for my toes. Each weekend is a blessing.
No comments:
Post a Comment