Here I am stopping myself my running...stoping my brain my over thinking...stoping myself from wondering what I could do differently, stopping myself from trying to salvage this rocky time in my relationship. I am putting the focus back on myself...I've been lost and I need to follow what is right for me...I need to stop being a air bag...I need to stop devaluing myself..because I do not get attention.
It's strange to be 32 and still working on my stuff. When will this journey be done. I realized yesterday I was putting to much focus on one person and not enough myself and other. Today I work up..read my not my stuff mantra. It's refreshing and helps me refocus. It's not myself and not my place. I need to pick up and do something different...Do my hair..do stuff for myself. Let the relationship sit, he will step up if he wants to be in.
The present moment feels good..and warm. My bed feels comfortable even when I wake alone and I think the for the first time in 6 months I am ok with the possible idea ...he might not be the one for me. I have to secure in my place...I have to refocus and be secure.
This morning I ran...it was hot and I was sweating through my running jacket....yesterday I told care of myself..and had my hair, I am feeling pretty good about. It looks pretty....:) and I smile. I am only in charge of myself...and my feelings. My stuff is my stuff...and that's ok..to deal with.
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