Here I am sitting at my table with the most beautiful bunch of flowers on it. Jules left me a beautiful flower arrangement for my birthday. To which I am realizing how much discontentment has sucked away at me for the last 48 hours. I have been an angry, sad, bitter person......it's all disfunction to myself. I only harm myself feeling this way.
This week I am being forced to revisit concepts I left behind in my childhood. Religion vs Spirituality. Can they live together ...can one person...love someone ...knowing they will never accept or participate in their belief system. I am never going to be called to the flock. I am very content with this. I knew when I was a teenager. My beliefs were shaken ...when he confused he found God again in the form of Christianity and was seeking to practice. For the first time in our relationship I felt fearful and scared. I worried our values no longer matched. I felt disconnected and scared. I could see past ....the moment. Helpless I cried..and sobbed.
Currently we are couple...here in the present moment......I am stuck with discontentment about his new beliefs. Is this what is keeping me from growing....progressing...forward...awaking...old beliefs within myself??? Is it possible I was meant to revisit...my own morals...my own growth...here is to growing pains....it all feels uncomfortable...and foreign..unlike my old self who would run from this challenge and shut it down...I am going to approach this from a different point of view...grace...no harm..acceptance..love...compassion...fearless...
Stage one....there is are thorns...
Stage two...no one is going to remove the thorns...maybe he's right discontentment could turn into acceptance...peace..
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