No one is coming here with out being forever changed. When I walked across the Burrard Street Bridge over ten years I felt freedom and love in my heart. For the first time in my life I could live my life the way I wanted to and crave out my own path. I didn't have ask for any permission to do anything .... I could be anything and reinvent myself. I finally authentic. Crossing bridges or riding on transit have stirred many emotions in me.
My love affair with Vancouver started in East Vancouver standing in the alley behind my Grandpa's house near the Rupert pitch and put. I loved, the smell and noise of big city living. I felt I belonged here and not in Chilliwack...my deepest desire in high school was leave and never come back. I wanted to where the action was. I wanted to live near the ocean ...I wanted to live behind the valley. The farmers, my fellow students who stayed behind to marry and have children. Chilliwack feels like the darkest days of my life. Chilliwack is the weapon which cut through my soul. I knew I die staying there...I had the same feeling in Edmonton, oh freedom and be myself, oh shame I felt and judgement...I enjoyed my time there but I could not call it home. Vancouver feels like home. Strangely I find the island feels like home lately.
This week after two single gin and tonics, nachos, driving lessons number 6 and the most amazing yoga class. I am in love with city and surround mountains. I feel change is coming and I am excited about my coming freedom. I look forward to being able to go places. My heart has opened again to yoga .... the breath guiding me back to heaven and peace. I am so lucky to have the most wonderful excepting teachers. There wisdom has lead my soul back home again. I am careful with my left hip flexer as it is still very sore and tight. I feel the greatest joy on my mat.
Rob and I are still mending our relationship if this is what we are ... I am not on the island with him this week. I choose to have some me time .... to study, practice yoga and have my driving lesson. I had also promised my IA I would attend his met and greet for staff members. I was nervous about being there ... I have noticed since not working with alot of people in the last year ... I am more awkward in group settings .. so I need to work on spending time with new people. I realized at the table I was older than the girls ... but for the first time I was comfortable with age in my 30's. Slowly I am learning to except myself and love me. Michelle had commented how this is longest she has been single.... 5 months since she was 16. I listened to her.... and smiled. She said it was hard to met people .... I felt and understood ...what she said.
We are working at being whole
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