She's Draining Me

A year and half later I still was apologizing for replacing another girl at work. I understand she was upset and hurt, I do feel her pain, hurt and humiliation. I felt bad, I always felt guilty no one wants to know they have been replaced by a strange from a girl in a photocopy room. Over the past year I kept apologizing and down playing my own skills. Today was exhausted, after everyone else was invited to her birthday including a very close friend, I had finally had enough.....I spoke up and it was not that bad. I first feared the reaction and dreaded the awkward email. Instead I received an email of support and compassion. Speaking my truth isn't so bad. I feel relived and heard. Isn't that what we want to have a voice instead of passively sitting in the passenger seat.

Still have not picked up my Iphone yet...my saga with bell continues. It's was mostly men...who goes to pick up a cell phone with out ID :(...I think not getting my phone pushed me over the edge, there I was sitting in the enterprise square building holding a sandwich crying sitting in the corner. (TSX slightly edging it's self over 500 points) I couldn't swallow the sandwich was soggy and not the taste I was excepting. The sun dried tomatoes blended into the whole wheat bun. I am not sure what brought me to this point maybe it was today was not interested in being at work...but I had no interest in being anywhere else. So I sat there miserable ready to take bite off everyone who came near me.

Around 4, Linda came by the desk with some purdy's chocolates. I appreciated her kind gesture. The small balls of milk chocolate were exactly what I needed to change my mood.

Tuesday night I attended my class. The psychology class is filled with early 20 something students. Its ironic because I have not taken a psychology class in ten years. I was their age when I first started attending university. The university experience is coming full circle. I have turned into the girl who arrives late for class and eats a cheese and tomato because I am so hungry after work. I admire the older students because we are minority in this class.