I'm counting down and getting ready. I felt very depressed yesterday, I was going to work from home but I decided at 6:11 am ... I was going to into the office. I didn't want to be alone all day. It did feel better to be around people but the office felt cold. I still feel unsettled and nervous. I am so unsure of everything right now ... work .. getting my passport, clients getting nervous about the markets ... its been over three months of crappy markets will most of the summer to come. I know .. but they don't like this. I keep screwing up and making little mistakes. I can't focus ... on anything. I feel like I am in brain fog. I'm surprised clients haven't left .. I'm not sure what I have to offer them ... how I do get out of this hole. When do I get excited about work again ... ??? I'm hoping to find answers in Portugal .. not sure if I will. This week felt like a rollercoaster ... of emotions. I felt everyone of them ... all at different times, washing over me. I want vacation! 19 business days out!
I've wrote of this before ... this is the year of health ... I want to get my health back again. I felt, I made some type of step yesterday at the DR's office ... I have list of middle aged tests to get done .. diabetes ... high blood pressure .. It's real adulting now .. welcome to being 40 something.
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