Pacific

I need a day off. I am slowing becoming numb to my office and my co workers. Each day the tension is growing, and I feel like nothing I say is comforting. I slowing thinking maybe I have to many opinions. Maybe I am distracting others...maybe I need to stop thinking with negative voices in my head. Maybe the change needs to happen within me...and this is why I am tired and uptight. I want to let go and I want to not be in control. I want to allow my body to relax. I want my mind to be silence...and I want to just see me. If only women were allowed in this world to be who they really wanted to be. I'm scared to love me.

I am rethinking New Zealand, I am letting doubts and fears take over...all of the what if's...all of the external I can not control. All my fears of being alone...right now I am not sure if being alone is better than being right or with someone. I am leaving in 5 months...wow...feels so close.

Secretly at work I wear a smile. I try to make my life sound fabulous, fun and sexy. Do they know I hurt inside, they don't know I wish sometimes..I would not wake up. Cause you are sleepwalking in this life. I'm so tired of having to justify ME! Secretly I wish I was a housewife with vacuuming away her days. At least I would have someone to look forward to when they came home.

RULES for TOMORROW!

No voicing opinions. It does not matter if you think you are right or you want to tell your story!

Be positive, no negative talk about clients or their lifestyle choices. Embrace them for their individuality. Clients are people too! They want just want to be heard and understood.

Your job is wonderful. provide the best admin support, you have not been your best lately, but tomorrow is going to be an amazing day! So much to look forward to.

No talking about the past, it is not happening anymore. The now is the only thing defining you.

Do not feel the need to justify being 30 and single. It's ok...your not a freak. The general population does not think this... *smile* and enjoy this part of yourlife!

Work hard running and at boot camp!