Most days I feel damaged and disoriented. I can't remember a time in my life before this feeling. I think it started in grade five. Grade Five was the first year I remember finding it hard to fit in with my peer. It was first time I felt isolated at elementary school. I think most people feel this way at sometime point in grade school. My experience seemed to have a lasting effective on the way I interact with the world. Sometimes I think everyone dislikes me, I am working on recognizing this negative thought pattern and trying to replace it with something positive. What has happened in the past is not always true in the present. These events are no longer happening NOW!
I woke up very rested this morning, went for a run and I found myself on my regular muffin walk around 10:00 am. I got sucked into High Grade looking at jeans. Since it was pay day I have extra cash in my bank account. I did not get a bubble tea this afternoon. I ran away from Starbucks line. I did not want to have a conversation with an ex who was purchasing coffee. He is recently engaged to a girl he dated shortly after me. I don't want to have an awkward conversation and have to justify being single because I have to do this at most staff events. Lately I have been absent from most. I just do not want to get to comfortable and start being absent from most of life.
I went to boot camp with Allyson. I felt sick, and I realized how out of shape my core is. I was tired after the warm up. Wow, the program kicked my but and I am far away from my fitness goal. I need to do more of these kinda exercises.
For 2011 I need to work my list of goals for myself. :)
9:00 pm almost bed time.......I need to sleep and get ready for my false start tomorrow...aka work..
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