Driving in the Dark

Driving along the old highway .. just barely going 80 km. The road was dark ... but the rain was not so aggressive. I can not wait for the darkness to fade and the spring to come.

My office is finally set up .. and starting to look like a real office. I have view of the gas station and the intersection near the mall. Sometimes it reminds me of my childhood ... the small town feel. It feels strange to be back here in a place like this.

I think my driving has improved .. I am starting to feel more comfortable. I do not really enjoy it yet but I know each day .. things are getting better. I love my honda.

Rob will be home tommorow, Ive tried to clean up the house for him. Clean sheets ... and I'll bake some cookies tomorrow.

Keeping Hungry

I heard the most inspiring words today. It's good to be a beginner, it's you hungry. I felt so much joy to hear this as I am a beginner in my new career. I felt better knowing ... I was on the right path. My mind is so hungry. 

I woke up feeling refreshed this morning and went for a run. i miss my morning runs, and two years have past since I was able to enjoy one. I saw the ocean and the sunrise. Everything felt peaceful in my mind. I felt calm as I drove to work this morning and it was nice to be in town. 

I met my coworker this morning, she did provide me with some comfort. And was eager to help me get organized, with order new stationary and other things for my office. 

I still need to order my degree but I don't know much time ... I will be spending in my office, feels like I will be on the road. 

Still can't be believe it is only tuesday, two more days this week. I am looking forward to a long weekend and some rest. I have not had time to cook the chicken in fridge and other things I purchased. Lunches have been limited *sigh* 

Much love ... XOXXOX Love Bug ... today was a better for connections. 

My Dearest Love

Another day on the island. I woke up to sound of rain and an empty house. Bed felt cold ... and the sheets tossed. I miss his body next to mine. I can hear the island and it sounds very different than the city. The island sounds distance to me.

It was my first day at my new job. I felt welcomed by Ivan and some of the team. I was not sure really what I was my role today. I was trying not be cold and distance. I am not sure how to find my place or to connect with the staff. I mostly feel overwhelmed with all different people and trying to do the right thing.

My dearest love .... working in the rain. I missed him. I'm glad I was working today and changed the focus and I am looking forward to long weekend together.

Today I am thankful for my new co workers. Sharing lunch with Gloria. I am thankful for getting home safe. I am thankful for my love .... and knowing I am cared about.

I am looking forward to small town living and Rob coming home on friday.

Under the Filth

Today I woke up alone for the first time in this house and spend the day in Campbell River. The town feels different without Rob. Its strange to navigate the town without him. The lens I see everything through is different. It feels odd ... The waves were strong ... and full of life at Stories Beach.

Walking around the grocery store ... was a strange experience. Today the world felt small.

I am so fearful of the unknown right now.

Back From the Centre of the Universe

I was tired yesterday evening, waiting for my last flight, watching the clock waiting for my flight at 7:05 back home. 

It still doesn't feel like home yet and I am still working on feeling comfortable and settling into Rob's house. I feel strange being here alone without Rob. I miss him, I feel uncomfortable without him. I'm lonely. Everything here is new, from where to take out of the trash to sharing a space. The next couple of weeks once will be challenging for us and our relationship. We will become stronger together. 

My week in Toronto was feel refreshing. I loved learning and receiving the training. It feels like I finally found my career. I know I can do this. I have not been so engaged at work in years. I finally feel I have the tools to be successful. I am excited but nervous about coming to the branch on Monday. But I know something amazing is going to happen. So much to be grateful for ... I am feeling blessed. I can not believe I am on this wonderful journey. It was tuesday morning ... I realized this is what I am meant to do. I feel ready to step into this role. Something has come alive in me again, something I have not felt in years, not since leaving Edmonton. 

The first night I was invited into a dinner on the 54th floor of the tower. The views of Toronto were impressive. I couldn't help to think my family would be proud, as no one had ever been invited to anything like this. 

Monday will be the first day, I ever drive myself to work. I feel nervous, but I take comfort in this part of the journey. I feel embarressed, as this is a silly fear. Most people have faced this fear 15 years ago. 

A small list of things to be Thankful for:

Rob, his support is unconditional. I am so blessed and lucky to be loved

Carear, I am finally at my best and have the knowledge and tools to shine. 

Toronto best breakfast all year. Thankful for the staff at the hotel

Trainer Steve, wealth of knowledge 

Co Workers, new friends sharing new ideas. What a great group of people