Beautiful Life

I'm sitting here by the fire, dreaming .. loving .. my life. So many changes, I watch yesterday as the ferry pulled away from Horseshoe Bay, watching my old life disapear behind the boat. Yesterday was my life day as a resident of North Vancouver. I woke up in the apartment ... with the last of everything I need packed. My home looked like it did the first day I moved in. The sun shining through the window. Rob stopped by the load the last of my things into his car. We packed his car again. I can not believe the amount of things I own. I am still surprised also with amount of trash I thew out. The morning was bright .. but it felt strange to wake up and know I never have to go back to that office again.

My start in North Vancouver always felt fake and I felt disorganized and disapointed. I was sad I could only transfer into the same position I had before but I was excited to move back to Vancouver. I knew in my heart I never gave my best. I felt guilty often for the work I did. I was not willing to share who I was with my co workers. I didnt want to know me, which created so much stress for me. I finally feel free, free to be myself.

We pulled into Campbell River at 4:30, and I was home. Still I can believe I live here and the ocean is in my backyard. Laying in bed ... I hear the waves at night. When I was in Nicaguara, I would listen to waves and plot my escape. Laying in bed the second day, the doctor asked me .. about my exit plan. She knew I was distressed. A year later I am here.

My bags are packed and i getting ready to fly tomorrow. My mind is alive with the change ... and growth. Mostly it feels good to be learning again. It feels good ... and be away from belonging to someone .. and feeling like object. It feels good to be here safe and loved.

I love my partner, miss rob already