Sometimes it's best not to call. I talked to Rob today, his brother has still not contact his family. I feel I was not very helpful and I felt annoyed after the phone call. Maybe I do not understand how stressful the situation is...maybe sometimes I lack tact .... I just want people to be self aware .... (I'm wanting myself to be self aware) so...this left me with the comment ... does his wife even want him to come home????? Rob defensive like anymore male was like I did not really get into this .... I know the comment was the said at the wrong time. But I felt it was realistic question .... this event was going to change to their relationship .... enough said....
This event has me questioning how much is enough .... what type of emotional roller coaster can we put our partners through? When will they leave??? When should someone leave .... is love, family and history enough to justify bad mid life behaviour lack of self awareness to take care of ones mental self. When should you move on ....
Sometimes I am greatest fountain of empathy others ..... I'm just blunt and cold. Today I think I was fed up .... the out pouring of caring and concern. Perhaps Jealous ... sometimes I want to run away too... and have the world chase me. I guess we all need to be the centre of attention sometimes.
So I wrap myself in my blanket in my bed today. Another Monday start of the new year for me at work. Played catch up ... reviewed emails .... photocopied and ate a salad. I've started today off not well rested a little bitter and kinda grumpy. i want to lose ten pounds! I want to hold myself accountable to my goals this year. Things are I am deeply looking forward to going to Paris and France.... I've looked at yoga retreats but nothing has caught my eye. I'd still like to surf again .... but maybe not this year. I'd like to be a more compassionate person .... less forced on the gossip in the conversation. I'd like to say more kind things about people ... less negative. I'd like to be kinder to my family members, friends, and co workers. I'd like to show support.
So less shopping more yoga more balance. I have two exams in two weeks. Need to study .... Not sure if I'm going to the island this weekend. Actually I might be a good idea to stay away for awhile and give everyone some space. I am looking forward to Lisa coming next week ... I am going to Victoria in early Feb after my exams for a visit! Will be nice to see a different view for a couple of days.
Things I enjoyed today was my salad, wearing my new sweater from Banana Republic, knowing my juicer will arrive in less than two days and my new hair colour. I like the bright blonde!
Hope and hugs for the universe ..... to more peaceful night for me.
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