I wrote the second part of my exam. I feel nervous ... I'm sure I will have to rewrite in two weeks. I just did not feel the exam this morning or studying this week. I might have booked my exams to close.
This week passed so quickly I felt out of my body as I drifted through the days. The high point was passing my first exam.
Rob hit a deer Sunday ... It dented our relationship and the car ... We had another discussion about money. I guess we are talking about the future ... It's frustrating ... But adult
It's foggy in Vancouver the sound barge horns waking me up. I could not see out the Seabus .. On my way to the exam. Now the ferry sails into the fog.
What I'm I so hungry for in life ... What is eatting ..me ... I realized I've been here 33 years and I want more time! More life ! More moments ! Life so much more than sitting at desk
Friday, January 24, 2014
Friday, January 17, 2014
Dreams
This week I was freed ... I spoke my truth. And spoke my goals .. I've now vocalized to the general public and I'm on my way. I am feeling good although I was stressed for a bit last week. My mind racing with the uncontrollable what if ...
Lisa was in town at a conference ... We had a lovely Mexican dinner together Tuesday night on the drive. I have not gone to east Vancouver since last spring. It was a refreshing new memory. Both of us are excited about the future :) great new discoveries this year and our trip. I feel blessed each day now. I'm less frustrated at work and explore each day! Work is fun again and I'm excited to take on new projects.
I wrote my first exam for my wealth management course this morning. The exam was not difficult and I finished with enough time to go shopping on Robson before heading to catch the Ferry.
This new year has bought a ton of new energy. I'm so lucky ... I finally went to the doctor about my low energy last week. My quality of life has improved. I only regret not going sooner to get tested. I slept through most of 2013.
On my way to Campbell River .. My soul feeling loved and lucky.
Lisa was in town at a conference ... We had a lovely Mexican dinner together Tuesday night on the drive. I have not gone to east Vancouver since last spring. It was a refreshing new memory. Both of us are excited about the future :) great new discoveries this year and our trip. I feel blessed each day now. I'm less frustrated at work and explore each day! Work is fun again and I'm excited to take on new projects.
I wrote my first exam for my wealth management course this morning. The exam was not difficult and I finished with enough time to go shopping on Robson before heading to catch the Ferry.
This new year has bought a ton of new energy. I'm so lucky ... I finally went to the doctor about my low energy last week. My quality of life has improved. I only regret not going sooner to get tested. I slept through most of 2013.
On my way to Campbell River .. My soul feeling loved and lucky.
Monday, January 06, 2014
Day Three of the Great Escape
Sometimes it's best not to call. I talked to Rob today, his brother has still not contact his family. I feel I was not very helpful and I felt annoyed after the phone call. Maybe I do not understand how stressful the situation is...maybe sometimes I lack tact .... I just want people to be self aware .... (I'm wanting myself to be self aware) so...this left me with the comment ... does his wife even want him to come home????? Rob defensive like anymore male was like I did not really get into this .... I know the comment was the said at the wrong time. But I felt it was realistic question .... this event was going to change to their relationship .... enough said....
This event has me questioning how much is enough .... what type of emotional roller coaster can we put our partners through? When will they leave??? When should someone leave .... is love, family and history enough to justify bad mid life behaviour lack of self awareness to take care of ones mental self. When should you move on ....
Sometimes I am greatest fountain of empathy others ..... I'm just blunt and cold. Today I think I was fed up .... the out pouring of caring and concern. Perhaps Jealous ... sometimes I want to run away too... and have the world chase me. I guess we all need to be the centre of attention sometimes.
So I wrap myself in my blanket in my bed today. Another Monday start of the new year for me at work. Played catch up ... reviewed emails .... photocopied and ate a salad. I've started today off not well rested a little bitter and kinda grumpy. i want to lose ten pounds! I want to hold myself accountable to my goals this year. Things are I am deeply looking forward to going to Paris and France.... I've looked at yoga retreats but nothing has caught my eye. I'd still like to surf again .... but maybe not this year. I'd like to be a more compassionate person .... less forced on the gossip in the conversation. I'd like to say more kind things about people ... less negative. I'd like to be kinder to my family members, friends, and co workers. I'd like to show support.
So less shopping more yoga more balance. I have two exams in two weeks. Need to study .... Not sure if I'm going to the island this weekend. Actually I might be a good idea to stay away for awhile and give everyone some space. I am looking forward to Lisa coming next week ... I am going to Victoria in early Feb after my exams for a visit! Will be nice to see a different view for a couple of days.
Things I enjoyed today was my salad, wearing my new sweater from Banana Republic, knowing my juicer will arrive in less than two days and my new hair colour. I like the bright blonde!
Hope and hugs for the universe ..... to more peaceful night for me.
This event has me questioning how much is enough .... what type of emotional roller coaster can we put our partners through? When will they leave??? When should someone leave .... is love, family and history enough to justify bad mid life behaviour lack of self awareness to take care of ones mental self. When should you move on ....
Sometimes I am greatest fountain of empathy others ..... I'm just blunt and cold. Today I think I was fed up .... the out pouring of caring and concern. Perhaps Jealous ... sometimes I want to run away too... and have the world chase me. I guess we all need to be the centre of attention sometimes.
So I wrap myself in my blanket in my bed today. Another Monday start of the new year for me at work. Played catch up ... reviewed emails .... photocopied and ate a salad. I've started today off not well rested a little bitter and kinda grumpy. i want to lose ten pounds! I want to hold myself accountable to my goals this year. Things are I am deeply looking forward to going to Paris and France.... I've looked at yoga retreats but nothing has caught my eye. I'd still like to surf again .... but maybe not this year. I'd like to be a more compassionate person .... less forced on the gossip in the conversation. I'd like to say more kind things about people ... less negative. I'd like to be kinder to my family members, friends, and co workers. I'd like to show support.
So less shopping more yoga more balance. I have two exams in two weeks. Need to study .... Not sure if I'm going to the island this weekend. Actually I might be a good idea to stay away for awhile and give everyone some space. I am looking forward to Lisa coming next week ... I am going to Victoria in early Feb after my exams for a visit! Will be nice to see a different view for a couple of days.
Things I enjoyed today was my salad, wearing my new sweater from Banana Republic, knowing my juicer will arrive in less than two days and my new hair colour. I like the bright blonde!
Hope and hugs for the universe ..... to more peaceful night for me.
Sunday, January 05, 2014
Your Real Voice is Never the Voice of Fear
Today is a beautiful day, morning, afternoon and evening. I woke up went to the most amazing yoga class. My body wanted to move it wanted to twist. I shook and sweated each minute was amazing.
This weekend has been quiet for me on the North Shore. I dyed my hair again and met my new hairdresser Tonya. I loved the way she highlighted it. I've been searching for a colourist like her since I moved here two years ago.
My voice is not fearful and I feel still ... this weekend my mind had many thoughts crossing through it. I feel sad for Rob ... his brother is missing. Currently we still do not know where he is ... I hope he is safe and just needed a vacation from life for bit.
Another week of work is still starting tomorrow morning, it's back to the regular routine, back to my desk. My mind wants to be creative ... I want to run free.
The smell of baked cookies fills my home, I am trying to make more lunch snacks for the myself and buy less processed foods.
I also trying to find a yoga retreat ... still looking forward to Paris. I dream of Paris at night, cheeses, littles and boat cruises down the Seine. I dream of love.
New Year
Rumi wants Love
He wants to feel my body tonight
He speaks to me,
his voice is not the voice of fear
but of compassion and empathy
Our extensive relationship is complex
The duration spans 13 years
I love Rumi, for the man he became and is
This weekend has been quiet for me on the North Shore. I dyed my hair again and met my new hairdresser Tonya. I loved the way she highlighted it. I've been searching for a colourist like her since I moved here two years ago.
My voice is not fearful and I feel still ... this weekend my mind had many thoughts crossing through it. I feel sad for Rob ... his brother is missing. Currently we still do not know where he is ... I hope he is safe and just needed a vacation from life for bit.
Another week of work is still starting tomorrow morning, it's back to the regular routine, back to my desk. My mind wants to be creative ... I want to run free.
The smell of baked cookies fills my home, I am trying to make more lunch snacks for the myself and buy less processed foods.
I also trying to find a yoga retreat ... still looking forward to Paris. I dream of Paris at night, cheeses, littles and boat cruises down the Seine. I dream of love.
New Year
Rumi wants Love
He wants to feel my body tonight
He speaks to me,
his voice is not the voice of fear
but of compassion and empathy
Our extensive relationship is complex
The duration spans 13 years
I love Rumi, for the man he became and is
Thursday, January 02, 2014
Bolero, My final Ode
My dance is daily, each morning ... my toes touching the ground, the room dark sun not yet risen. Here I am alone with my thoughts. Most morning I wake up alone. I sleep better myself, I've tried to sleep next to others but I am truly rested when I wake up alone. Why does feeling so rested and peaceful have to be so lonely.
I'd to share more co operation with the world and my current workplace. I'd like more forgiveness and the ability to accept others faults. Even if their behaviour is of a higher quality or enlighten. I'd share happiness and patience.
Today was the start of new year, and nine years with same company. I was surprised this morning to learn I have an extra week of vacation. What a real treat for myself. More time...to rest and more time for leisure.
Lisa and I brainstormed about going to Europe in the fall, we are both like small children at christmas time...debating over the sites in Paris....Opera at the Bastille and a river cruise down the Seine. I can not get to excited I have nine more months of other interesting fun and activities.
My juicer is due to arrive any day now. So excited but I have never used Amazon to purchase anything. I am hoping it works...and juice diet here I am come! Detox awesome! Health awareness everyone!
Still have not signed up for swimming lessons. No surf board purchased yet....one more day of terrible hair...i have a new stylist ...Lisa is now back in Comox...looking forward to meeting Tonya...so nervous with hair dressers...but the change could be awesome !
Thursday night is simple..and rainy .... Vancouver greets the world with a smile
To start of the year: I am calling out all the Assholes in my Closet...the men who no longer serve a purpose in my life... I need to clean this haus ... Men after today will never be mentioned in this blog again....
Phase: Hope you enjoyed your trip to Mexico ...I am glad you didn't call me when you returned to Vancouver. I am happier imaging you were hit by a bus ...or killed in gun fire by a Mexico drug cartel.
Keith: Married life and baby on the way ... happy for you and your teenage looking bride. I am happier you left life my life back 2010 leaving me free to move back to coast, I proud of you for have the courage to let me be myself even while traveling in South America
Paul: My park ranger now RCMP officer ..... I was way to young for you in 1999! I am glad you left my life and let me grow up into the person I am today. Hope your kind the local teenage girls in your neighbourhood ... they have dreams ... don't be the cop that silences them
Michael: You better be good to me .... (Tina Turner) ... I taught you good. I showed you the way ... and I hope you share my skills with your kindergarden teacher wife. Always remember LA and our road trip through Utah and Idaho Falls. You made me believe I could feel alive inside
Lindsay: We shared an apartment and cat, I loved the summer I spent with you. I learned I had an ugly temper and I was ashamed I showed it to you. You stopped loving me and believing in me. I pushed you away .... you stayed small ... you shouldn't live so small because you have alot to give. Wish you had the courage to be braver in life. I needed a braver man ... than you could be.
Grant: You fooled me better than anyone else, you made feel ashamed and stupid. I know ...there is a special place in hell for men like you. You lied to your wife ....you lied to me. I felt conflicted about married men. What happens to a man when he gives up on his family? What happens to man when he puts his own needs before his children. You hurt a lot people but your family hurts the most. Your sons live with your dirty secrets, lies and ugly past. They hurt more than I will know ....
I'd to share more co operation with the world and my current workplace. I'd like more forgiveness and the ability to accept others faults. Even if their behaviour is of a higher quality or enlighten. I'd share happiness and patience.
Today was the start of new year, and nine years with same company. I was surprised this morning to learn I have an extra week of vacation. What a real treat for myself. More time...to rest and more time for leisure.
Lisa and I brainstormed about going to Europe in the fall, we are both like small children at christmas time...debating over the sites in Paris....Opera at the Bastille and a river cruise down the Seine. I can not get to excited I have nine more months of other interesting fun and activities.
My juicer is due to arrive any day now. So excited but I have never used Amazon to purchase anything. I am hoping it works...and juice diet here I am come! Detox awesome! Health awareness everyone!
Still have not signed up for swimming lessons. No surf board purchased yet....one more day of terrible hair...i have a new stylist ...Lisa is now back in Comox...looking forward to meeting Tonya...so nervous with hair dressers...but the change could be awesome !
Thursday night is simple..and rainy .... Vancouver greets the world with a smile
To start of the year: I am calling out all the Assholes in my Closet...the men who no longer serve a purpose in my life... I need to clean this haus ... Men after today will never be mentioned in this blog again....
Phase: Hope you enjoyed your trip to Mexico ...I am glad you didn't call me when you returned to Vancouver. I am happier imaging you were hit by a bus ...or killed in gun fire by a Mexico drug cartel.
Keith: Married life and baby on the way ... happy for you and your teenage looking bride. I am happier you left life my life back 2010 leaving me free to move back to coast, I proud of you for have the courage to let me be myself even while traveling in South America
Paul: My park ranger now RCMP officer ..... I was way to young for you in 1999! I am glad you left my life and let me grow up into the person I am today. Hope your kind the local teenage girls in your neighbourhood ... they have dreams ... don't be the cop that silences them
Michael: You better be good to me .... (Tina Turner) ... I taught you good. I showed you the way ... and I hope you share my skills with your kindergarden teacher wife. Always remember LA and our road trip through Utah and Idaho Falls. You made me believe I could feel alive inside
Lindsay: We shared an apartment and cat, I loved the summer I spent with you. I learned I had an ugly temper and I was ashamed I showed it to you. You stopped loving me and believing in me. I pushed you away .... you stayed small ... you shouldn't live so small because you have alot to give. Wish you had the courage to be braver in life. I needed a braver man ... than you could be.
Grant: You fooled me better than anyone else, you made feel ashamed and stupid. I know ...there is a special place in hell for men like you. You lied to your wife ....you lied to me. I felt conflicted about married men. What happens to a man when he gives up on his family? What happens to man when he puts his own needs before his children. You hurt a lot people but your family hurts the most. Your sons live with your dirty secrets, lies and ugly past. They hurt more than I will know ....
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