My hands hurt from studying. I feel all old and my place is a mess. Clothes, dirty sheets and dishes my apartment is filled with. I am tired and crawling to a slow. My mind feels blistered and tired. Last night I sleep and didn't study. I can't remember when I took a day off. I was frustrated from my results of my exam on tuesday. Work makes me feel numb and I am slowing down. I read today an article about a women who is 32 and an assistant branch manager. I realized I might be missing out my career. I feel behind and toren. I feel self fish I might not pass my exam. I have so many feeling inside of me. I don't know is this all pain I am use. My wrists feel like they are on fire as I type this entry.
I have come to the crossroad in my relationship, I am unsure if I want to stay in it. I struggle with what I would give up to stay with him and how he wouldn't be giving the same. Would I be happy in Sherwood Park? All these questions I have in my mind. I don't know how I would feel in a ready made family. Would I ever be number 1 in his life or would always be second class citizen. Would I miss out on the all the experiences one feels with their partner when they first get married. Would I miss these feelings? What I am entitled to and what about all the things in this relationship that I wont have or he can't give, because he can't... Life here is a crossroads. I ask myself what I want, what are my needs? Will be ok? Always I am always ok....miracles are happening.
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