The next day is always a better day! Today was not so grisly, I spent most of the day hole punching client transactions, I was sent an email about the right way to use the hole puncher. Somehow 4 years of university at the third largest university does hold any merit when it comes to using a hole punch. I have a co worker, he is perfect (maybe on the superficial side he's not six feet with a six pack but that's really digging for reason not to like him). He is a computer whiz, half way through his CFA, already an associate investment advisor, he's super smart, has a nice normal girlfriend and is well respected by everyone around him, even the established advisors acknowledge he is something special. I wish to have any of his qualities. I am not sure what qualities I have??? I doubt myself and question my own abilities and social skills. I wonder if I can adapt this work environment, will I make it out alive or be remembered as the flaky girl. I dread being the middle aged women in the office who never married....alone with cats...I ponder if I should move in with Rob for companionship?
I am always feeling awkward in the lunch room, today I had too much paper on my desk to eat in my cubical. I did not want to mail clients reports with sticky mustard dots on their quarterly discretionary account performance. Even the man at the bubble tea counter makes me feel awkward. He knows my order, peace green bubble tea with a vegetable sandwich, no green or hot peppers. I've become that ordinary. I identify as the girl who chooses tomatoes and cucumbers over peppers. I am predictable.
Thursdays are a great day because I go to boot camp....I find myself struggling with lunges, plank and push ups...each week pushing myself alittle more..feeling my strength increase so steadily. I want to so believe....I can make it. I just want to be able to run....running is my way of speaking up and expressing myself. For the last four years my morning runs...I have defined my day. The solitude act brings my soul run. I run to my destiny.
Boot Camp today is my moment of Gratitude.
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