The Beautiful Weekend

 We walked each day this weekend on the beach. Georgia wandered for almost 90 minutes, I kept walking with her, enjoying each moment. I could have walked another 90 minutes just to make her happy just to keep enjoying the moment. I felt alive and present - feeling the sand and water under my feet. Feeling happy - blessed. 

I'm still aching - deep inside acknowledging  Georgia is slowly aging and has completed almost half her time with us - if we are lucky she might live past 10 - bulldogs lives are short and it's possible we could lose her soon. I am haunted and not ready to make that choice and terrified of a quiet house. I am terrified of living without her. Her love is so unconditional however it's short. Knowing this causing me pain and grief and she deserves to live with us forever. My heart is in pain and slowing healing from this fear - it not healthy to future think. 

I'm committing to living a healthier life and working on eating better and losing the weight I gained over the last couple of year. The biggest goal is to take care of my health and family. 

I enjoyed every moment of our local beach ... so much gratitude for a simple walk! We are blessed today.

Reflection

Awakening - something is stirring inside of me. My mind has been asleep for over three years, just thinking about work - very little else has entered into my world. I am finally starting to wake up and feel again. Slowly starting in March - everything is starting to change - I cannot go back to the person I was before. This my choice to live in fear - to many hours focusing on the wrong things - no focus or empathy on family or friends. My voice - lost - exhaustion - slowly aching coming out of the coma. 

Turning 40 has made me reflect on the past 20 years - they passed so quickly. I never knew or believed I could come to this place - it's a full circle moment. I missed my old self - she smiled and felt brave. 

The last two months I started noticing the trees and forest when walking Georgia. She loves me unconditionally, animals have the most amazing gifts. I cherish her forgiveness and acceptance of my faults. I've missed Rob ... I've missed us. 

The Last Walk with Sergeant Bulldog

 Rumi guides your aging body, for one last beach walk 

Paws touching the sand, small child takes the lead

Rumi knows your body is full of pain, this will pass soon 

We love you, and we could not love you more than this moment 

Legends never die, till we see meet again 

Last Beach Walk

 Georgia is sleeping near me, her breathing is comforting. Today, I'm emotional Georgia is almost six years and it's starting to sink in, she's at the half way point of life. It feels like yesterday she was puppy. Time has passed so quickly and I love her much. I love more this year than ever before. More than anyone else I'm Georgia's full-time care taker, her day care driver and chef. She has a special bond with us, Georgia has introduced us to many people and different adventures. Our lives is fuller because of her. 

During Covid Georgia slept with us each night and gave us reason to keep a normal routine. Our weekends and vacations are about how do we include Georgia. Her small unconditional spirt, I am forever grateful for. She has given so much love back to me, than I have provided to her. 

The weather is changing and summer is almost here. The flowers are growing and our gardens are getting larger. The changing flowers provide peace. 

Last month was my first real vacation in almost 15 months, no exams to study for, just peace of mind. We travel to a cabin on the sunshine coast and enjoyed every minute of being away. We spent most evening relaxing in the hot tub and feeling at peace. This experience was bliss - my heart is so open and waits for another week off. 

I am trying to stay open and assume each day is filled with a surprise. Each day I am humble - I am slowly starting to come out a mental and feel the joys of life again.