Reflections

I am drafting an essay about my career journey, post ten years. 

Ten years here with the same company ... ten years of blogging. I can remember the first interview, two bus transfers to Bonnie Doon. Waiting in the summer heat of August. I knew the phone call would change my life .... each step of the way .. I knew .. it was life changing. 

Things I've learned give advice from your whole heart, less ego and let stress/difficult situations pass through you. You will always be taken care of ... make people feel special.

1500 words ... which words to choose. 

Today was a miracle day. The sun was shining ... the day was peaceful. Each step beautiful.  

truly enjoyed my lunch ... and discussions .. cant wait to find out what we plan. 

Feeling blessed today, loving life near the ocean. 

My thoughts are less lately ... shorter posts. It's a return to 2006

Escape Artist

I want to drift away. My mind dreams of running away and losing touch with the moment. I feel I am losing the connection ... I am trying to become more grounded more peaceful .... more loved. Learning to love myself again ...

So what is the voice in my mind ... the speaks to me .. with such negative tones and whispers. Why does it remind me all the painful experiences ... in my past .. the memories I rewrote over and over again. So cruel ....

So sitting in my seat ... I'm struggling ... to find acceptance .. and find and HEARING approval. When will I stop beating myself down.

I truly enjoyed my Sunday ... laying on my yoga mat ... find space for my heart and breath ... I felt everything coming back to me .. on my mat ... My shoulders ached as they slowly opened. They wont let anyone near me .. I think being sheltered ... is protection ... instead it's keeping me closed.

My mind races .... and wants to solve the mind ... instead of letting past!


Monday 8:32 pm I live in a magic place, how lucky I am to find my way home here *

Life Lesson #42 and Many More to Follow

The west coast rain poured ... flooding the roads. I drove extra slow this morning, feeling comfortable on my drive. 

Last meditated so deeply ... my mind felt so good, my sleep was amazing. Need to do this more often ... I am slowly taking care of myself. 

My office is next to a ATM drive through, you know you made it after achieving your university degree when your office is next to a drive through. Sigh .... insert *smile*

Tomorrow I tackle the yoga studio again .... feels good ... to come home 

Dearest Reckless

Dearest Deepest Self:

So aware of a zen like moment yesterday when a group of ten year girls made a horseshoe around me. The moment touched me, reminded me ... what it looks like to be free and not worry. What it is like to live with out any anger, guilt or trauma. What youth looks like .... I have not sent this face before . It was amazing to be reminded people feel this way.

I am finding a way to create balance in my life, my recent trip to Punta Cana has made this top of my list of projects. I came back to pile of projects at work ... and items that I needed to fix. On top of the stress ... I felt as if I had slipped into a coma last friday night. My mind was so exhausted..... attached to items I feel powerless to correct. Rob returned from the city ... and I unenthusiastic about his return. I do enjoy his company, however i felt myself feel and sink into the darkest part of my mind. Later Stacy reminded me ... I wasted my whole weekend. Reliving and thinking about things I can not control. So i found myself Monday ... looking at my calendar ... not waiting to attend the event I was invited to on Monday night. So i went ... and found my zen ....

So deepest self ... i am trying to regain ... myself ... I've slipped into a person ... I do not know. The universe is whispering in small ways for me to chance.