Where is my Heart

Where is my heart:

Can my soul feel it beat. I'm challenged everyday, different situations ... different places. Strangers! I love meeting new people in person. I love listening to their stories ... hearing what they have to say.

The house is cold again, and quiet. I have the dishwasher running, the sounds make the house feel alive. The ocean ... the view. Each day is quiet ... find peace. I'm still hiding myself and I need to believe I am doing the right things. I need to enter into a place of love ... and kindness with working with others.

I dream of being something else. I dream of being overseas. I can taste my trip ... I am so close to leaving ... one more work till I am on place... drifting far away.

The Hardest Critic

I'm my own hardest critic. I miss me ... some days. I feel confused ... the maze of paperwork. The confusion ... the fog... Why do I sound so negative. I'm not sure ... the path I'm on ... I want feedback ... grades ... numbers. I live for numbers and rankings. So I'm so hard on myself ... I need to stay in my own ... and keep my own pace. No more focusing on others.

The house is cold tonight .... still feels like winter is here. CR feels lonely without Rob, and I have another 5 days till he comes home. I've managed to keep myself busy with appointments. I need to find space and peace again. My mind wants to explore ... and be restful. I want to remember when life felt abundant. I miss the mat ... the flow .. the body untiring knots. The layers ... opening. I miss this ...

Back to self care. Back to find myself. I want my mind ... to feel free ..

i love the ocean in the morning. I wake up each day and I can not believe ... I am here ... this feels unreal. It's strange to think .. I've finally settled here after wandering for so many years. I'm home right where I am belong. I need to stick this to a post it on .. my computer at work ... I'm home!

8 days to punta cana

I have eight more days .... I go to Punta Cana. It finally hit me....i am going. I can not believe I am going to have a real vacation. I am so lucky... I dream of the beach and the sand in my toes.

Ive blessed over the last couple of weeks. Rob made valentines day so special. He chocolate cover strawberries while I was work. Yesterday he helped me washed my car. I've finally started to feel at home here and that i belong here. It 's been almost 4 months ....

Stacy came to visit at the end of January, it was amazing .... to see her and have her see my home on the coast.

Work is still part of my monkey brain. I need to stop the chatter in my brain. i need to find a way to silence ... so i co exist back into life.

I am trying to find the peace ... the peace deep in my mind and start to make time for the stuff ... I loved to do before this adventure. I finally feel ... I am starting to piece back the pieces of me. The control freak inside of me... need to feels some kind of control. But walking into the unknown ... has been a amazing journey.

I've so much lately... so much has changed...a year ago .. I didnt own a car .. and was struggling with learning the to drive ... I felt isolated in my former position. I could trust myself ... that I was loved.

8 more days till white sand beaches. I have not seen white sand beaches since the 90's in australia... I am learning to live a bolder life. I learning to dare to be braver ...