Beautiful Life

I'm sitting here by the fire, dreaming .. loving .. my life. So many changes, I watch yesterday as the ferry pulled away from Horseshoe Bay, watching my old life disapear behind the boat. Yesterday was my life day as a resident of North Vancouver. I woke up in the apartment ... with the last of everything I need packed. My home looked like it did the first day I moved in. The sun shining through the window. Rob stopped by the load the last of my things into his car. We packed his car again. I can not believe the amount of things I own. I am still surprised also with amount of trash I thew out. The morning was bright .. but it felt strange to wake up and know I never have to go back to that office again.

My start in North Vancouver always felt fake and I felt disorganized and disapointed. I was sad I could only transfer into the same position I had before but I was excited to move back to Vancouver. I knew in my heart I never gave my best. I felt guilty often for the work I did. I was not willing to share who I was with my co workers. I didnt want to know me, which created so much stress for me. I finally feel free, free to be myself.

We pulled into Campbell River at 4:30, and I was home. Still I can believe I live here and the ocean is in my backyard. Laying in bed ... I hear the waves at night. When I was in Nicaguara, I would listen to waves and plot my escape. Laying in bed the second day, the doctor asked me .. about my exit plan. She knew I was distressed. A year later I am here.

My bags are packed and i getting ready to fly tomorrow. My mind is alive with the change ... and growth. Mostly it feels good to be learning again. It feels good ... and be away from belonging to someone .. and feeling like object. It feels good to be here safe and loved.

I love my partner, miss rob already

Transition and Self Awareness

My apartment and North Vancouver is almost empty and I am spending my final days on a air mattress Rob left me. As when I left Edmonton the apartment looks them same as when I first saw it in Feb 2012. So here I am in typing in the dark. I was feeling fear but I am choosing faith and love and happiness. I've been afraid to celebrate this change in my life. Down playing my emotions at work but secretly I am smiling inside. Grinning with each passing hour.

I feel I need to celebrate my right of passage into womenhood. Since I never celebrated with wedding and I realized how symbolic a wedding is to advancing in womenhood. I need to create my own event and let myself know ... I am truly a women no longer a little girl. I feel this is happening as take on a more adult career. I want to walk to beach with flowers in my hair ... and push a white dress burning into the ocean. I want to go home and celebrate with wonderful. And shoot I am enough! I am perfect and loved the way I am. A beautiful cake will be waiting for me .... to enjoy and share. I will no longer think of myself as a girl but a women. Strong beautiful soft ...

I am choosing happiness in my last days in North Vancouver. No longer feeling the toxic energy but choosing ... to know .. this place/time will soon be a memory. Just as previous jobs and cities have come to past.

Good Night beautiful city.

Celebration

I'm almost there. One more week and this chapter closed . I've been waiting along time to move on from this job almost two years, but the day is almost here and I couldn't be more excited. I'm nervous and overwhelmed with the task of moving but here I am making progress. My goals are coming true.

Today after reading my in box... I just stopped and left. I was emotionally broke. I left as I had nothing left to them and they had overwhelmed me. In someways I made it to easy for them and now they are slowly seeing this. Jessica will be here soon to take over my desk . I think a fresh person with a different perspective would good for my coworkers.

So many reasons to celebrate so many reasons to feel good. Today id like to celebrate moving and cleaning out my place
Moving in with rob
My new job:) it's all me ! Doing it my way. !!!

To Be Thankful

So many things to be thankful for this weekend.

Saturday morning Rob and I took my silver civic on it's first road trip to Kelowna. I was so excited to finally travel in my car. We arrived in Kelowna after 3:00 pm, it was nice to see Rob's family and share turkey dinner with them. I had seconds of the stuffing and loved her pumpkin pie. It's been a while since I have had homemade pumpkin pie.

Sunday we made a trip to the mall. I realized I am so out of touch with kids and teenagers, no joke. Teenagers face so many different challenges in a digital world.

Rob and I spent last night here at my place. It was our last night with all of my things. This morning we packed the civic together. My place is looking slightly empty no TV ... most of the clothes gone. Sigh ... moving on. Friday night I feeling sad about leaving ... and giving up my home. I felt slightly homeless and unsure how I would fit into Rob's house.

So many things to be thankful for:

Safe travels
Thanksgiving Dinner
Rob helping and unpacking my stuff

Living Now

I got my wish and my job. And now I am finally moving on and out of my office nightmare. I am counting the days down. Breath .... almost two more weeks and I'm out of there! Toxic nightmare and co workers gone!

I love my new car, she's wonderful and peppy :) I can not believe it ... feels silly to be killing the planet slowly for my car. Kinda selfish.

I booked my tickets for Toronto this morning, flying from Campbell River. Part of me is excited and part of me is nervous but I am looking forward to the challenge and the change.

My mind feels all mushy and judged at work. I'm not sure why I let other people judge me  or why I let their comments crush me. I just need to move on ... be still focus. Have faith.

So much to get done over the next couple of weeks. So much excitement inside.