Looking at Impossible, Learning to Love the Ugly Side

I've tried to love someone else latey and give apperciation. Today I have choosen to look within myself..deep within and all of the dark places I don't like to go. It's like pulling out an old dusty box from the attic, the kinda stuff you hide. The underwear you own and our embarressed off. This is the ugly I choosen to hide from those I have loved. Choosing to make today the exception, I am trying to reveal and not bury this deep dark embarressing secrets. I have spent to much time performancing and trying to be remain calm and perfect, instead of embracing my feelings and not stuffing them down. The performance is done. Weather in Vancity is rainy cold...it feels dark and cold, with some rays of light. Mostly yoga is restful and waking up in the morning.I am trying hard to not over think and just be myself. Ten more minutes till sushi. :)

Via the North Shore

So many changes in the last 60 days, my life has speed alittle out of control. I finally recieved the job offer I was waiting for and packed my bags and moved to North Vancouver. The sleepy suburb on the other side of the harbour. The north shore is full of little mom and dad shops and has a wonderful charm. The community is warm and friendly and invitiing. Fridays nights are filled with locals walking their dogs and people sitting in pubs. I finally feel like I am fitting into the neighbourhood. I was eager to join the local yoga studio and find new running paths. I crave running the seawall and the smell the ocean. Each day I am greated by the coast mountains rising up to say good morning enjoy your over priced latte with a shot of irish cream. I love being back on the coast every minute of it. My soul craves this life. I feel peaceful and love living alone :) My small studio apartment is peaceful and quiet. The view is not much but the space feels very personal. I feel like a writer in residence. The space feels very warm and calming. Peace is finally flooding into my life like most beautiful waves on the ocean in the morning. I am so blessed to have a new yoga teacher, somehow the universe takes care of your needs. For this I am truly grateful. Each day walking to work I see the Lions Gate Bridge and smile. Work is still the same, more peaceful but less entertaining with out the boss man. Although I could not quite escape Alberta, a small piece of the my heart was left behind with a forensic accountant. My soul feels an affinity when close to his. For the first time in my life, I trust I am loved. Although previous social relations have educated me not to trust. After 30 I am finally brave enough to let someone in and I don't need to run. I smile and sleep peacefully next to him. Currently we live apart I know...live together in the future, location undeterminted.