Ready for Extra Ordinary!

I woke up this morning!!!! I must go forward even if I am afraid to be alone! Today I think I am ready! I decided not to apply for the job in Vancouver. It is really not worth it and not what I want. It is time for me to live my life the way I want to!!!!! It is time to get up and get going!!!!!! I know I have been sleep walking the past couple of months and when I had my cards read Paul was right when he said it is time to up and get ride of Rob. He came up as the judgement card! I know it, at that moment it was time to move on. So here I am ready to be extraordinary! Time for me.....

Yesterday I had a really nice afternoon with Stacy. We went to WEM to do some shopping together, and we went all over the mall looking at clothes. Stacy finally bought her shoes which totally rock, she looks good in them. i tired on a pair too and a guy in Nine West so Stacy and I wearing them and made his girlfriend buy them after seeing how hot the shoes were! I bought a shirt from Tristan it is super pretty and some underwear from American Eagle with Whales on it! Later we had dinner at Blue Plate Dinner and it was really nice. I want another Sea Breaze! I love their sweet potato Fries they are so good. We walked forever! The walk was awesome! It felt like we walk all over downtown.

Ok no more sleep walking I am so tired of that..time to get moving....I knew he would never change. It does not matter....time to get going!!! Be my own person!

I am going out for dinner with Lindsay in about 20 minutes. I am writing this blog as I am waiting for him to pick me up. Stra

patience days powerless moments

Must Wait, Must Wait....i am so tired. i am not sure what to do??? how to get somewhere or what to do??? Another Job openned up in Vancouver but i am confused. I know i am going to apply. Lately I have been feeling very fat...I have gained 5 pounds since March and I have been unable to lose it! This past week I have been so bloated!! I feel huge! Also I have a horrible blister on my foot..

I had bubble tea this evening it was good! the watermelon was so refreshing!!!! why do some people come back into my life. i am not sure what to do about this!

lately I have had bites all over my hands it is so embarressing. I am going to shot myself in the head. I can't live like this any long!

Here we go Problems VS Disadvantages I want to go home! I feel so powerless!

Brain In a Vat

I have always hated school, I can't remember from what Grade I felt this but ever since grade school I hated the way education and those who worked in education. Why are they the emery. Not sure, I even find university frustrating! i don't get it...I don't think I was meant to...I am just not a very good student.

So here is my problem...do grade matter..i really don't think so, at least not the real world..which is why students can't get jobs after they grade oh yeah...

I won a gift card at work...i can't believe I pulled my own name out the box. To funny...I pulled kevin's as well...

Last night was a good night, I had some drinks and than went to marble slabe for ice cream. I love the frozen yogurt. It was so good..I am going again tommorow...I think I hope. We drove around talked alot...just about relationships and stuff. I should have not drank the two glasses of wine...opps..hey..well..actually I have no defence here at all..

My head is so cluttered with stuff..it feels like it is going to explode! it hurts...i can't stop thinking...I can't decide on what i want...it hurts!

had to clean the apartment again..i want to be a home owner! no more of this it is just stupid! I am tired of everything! i am so tired! no one knows how tired I feel...

I had a sandwich today, coffee cake from starbucks, ice cream from purdy's mud pie flavor and a frappacino. it is gross what I am eatting..oh that bag of bqq chips...that is to much crap! no wonder why I have not lost any more weight and my weight is not changing..my diet sucks!

Day Two

Hey I have a horrible head today and I feel exhausted! Work was rough this monday!!! I had no energy! Wow I am tired, and I am not sure why I did sleep really well last night, which i strange I never sleep that well on a sunday night!

Breakfast was provided at work this morning. I was excited to see the bagels and the big tray of fruit! Yummy....i think there is enough for tommorow. Plus I get my massage, I switched with Alla today. He took my space. I also won the wii bowling game today against Stacy..I am not sure how...??? Mysteries i know. This weekend we all suppose to see the Sex and the City movie, I am pretty excited about that! I am still have start studing for my DFC. I keep looking at the text book...hummmm

As for the rental issues I have not heard anything back yet...I think this could take a while. Good to know you are almost homeless again...Such is the theme of my life..and bed bugs..

I am also waiting on a text message from Lisa. Oh yeah I had ice cream from Purdy's vanilla...I think we have ice cream almost every day!

Still no flat iron. Should call Rob but i probley fall asleep before i get do cause he is working again :( I can't believe it is June!!!

How did I get to this place...i am not sure...Still living in the same apartment with no stuff..i don't even own a bed anymore . Somehow I did not think 27 would look like this...I don't know what I thought it was going to be like...Sometimes i want some time off to think about it..go on a trip travel away for some time. When will I have time for myself is time slipping away...

Cubicles, coffee and chocolate which has become myself...oh bloated..
Distance when will i commit and I don't understand why I am so fearful of it. Sometimes I think it would be nice to share my life with someone..Sunday mornings are getting lonely. I kinda feel silly knowing there is no one to see after spin class..No pancakes...so...at what point is it going to click!

Why is commitment so easy for others, and I am so fearful...I just can't anymore screwed up relationships. Should I just get up and leave and move in Rob...right now..why i can't i get on the plane???? Why can't I buy a place....

hollow plastic, face of plaster...what I feel like looking into a mirror.. smells like lavender trees outside..Month of June...

After The Chocolate

I am so full....last night I ate so much chocolate I think I am over it! Wow!!!! It was an awesome night with friends. We revisited naughty Mad Libs from Junior High! i cant believe i forgot what an adverb is...oh yeah I did get bit by one lonely mosquito ouch...on my elbow too! At least i did not eat ice cream today and I am wearing my skinny jeans yeah for size 4!

I have not started my final essay from Philosophy 205. I should check the topics. I can't believe it is June First! I feel like this summer everything is going to change...somehow..now sure what it is going to change. I have not been saying this since i started the blog back in 2005. And I guess it is true I only write in the blog when I don't want to write a paper.

I have alot of stuff to do this week, I could need to start looking for a new apartment. I keep waiting for jobs to open in Vancouver! I applied for one in April and did not get it! It sucks I was the runner up, I did not get it because I lacked experience and she needs someone with there licences right now. Oh well....I will keep waiting everything will happen at the right time! I know cause I have learned it always does.

I also have alot of events coming up with pride for the weekend of june 13-15, everything from the parade to the mayors brunch! I am sooo looking forward to this weekend. It is going to fun! It will nice to share it with my co workers. So next weekend I need to get my hair lighted and write my final paper! I will be busy busy and I will need to buy another case of red bull!

It is sunny today, but not to much has happened this sunday, I should be reading my DFC....I got distracted this weekend with the apartment being sold to new owners and the chocolate fondue to crack my text book, but i need to get on that!

At some point I need some new running shoes!!! and a new flat iron...

My final word today is I am working on judging less...yes there is a sign posted on my desk which says no judgement! I am not sure if it has worked yet oh well...here we go another week. Here's to welcoming Monday!