It's My Fairy Tail

Getting closer.....hummmm my move is coming, I can't wait. One more month.

I look at my face and feel older...I can't believe I am here 27, wow who know...crazy, where is the time going and what I am going to remember, I feel I need to take some time to experience different things or at least..go a different direction. I am feeling it is time to part with my job and move on..i am going to be sad to see the desk go..it just holds so many miserable merories..mostly just the feelings of helplessness..I guess.

I have been saying this for four months but i need to take my holidays! I need to book a plane ticket and airfare has finally dropped..and I am coming I guess. I hope.

Hope is all about all I have now, and patience..

Birthday Countdown!

Another birthday, and yet another year...I hate milestones..I would rather hide than celebrate my birthday. I just feel so disapointed and tired. I feel so unclear about what is going to happen to me. I just don't know. At this point I would rather be left alone..than with people. I have not figured out what I am going to do..I am just plotting my escape..from this life.

Meet me in the Morning....Come on Life

I hate computers, no I hate PC's. Mine is screwed at work...it crashes. I just want the hardrive to die. This really why i own a Mac, cause I have no patience...this way I don't work with computers..they are to slow. I am suffering at my desk with my this piece of crap!

Well tommorow is going to be alittle busy, I have to pick up my birthday pies from Sunterra for everyone. I picked apple crumble and key lime. I was thinking of a cheesecake but I changed my mind once I saw the key lime pie!!!! I have not had key lime pie since Christmas...I am excited!

I am dreading my birthday, somehow I feel old somehow I feel like I should have more..somehow i am mad at the TSX...for letting finanical stocks fall...yeah I am losing money. not to much..but enough to annoy me. I really don't let myself get caught up in investing, i am just starting ...next week in my monthly review....I am thinking talking about career change...it is time to move on and do something else. You know everything is changing...and I might as well change too!

I felt good today...I wore my half sweater top from holts..along with a tank top...and capris. I knew I look pretty good...grrr 1100 more days till 30. I wonder if I am going own a house by then...I hope things are more stable. I am kinding thinking things are going to get better this year...I don't know why but I feel it...

Always and Forever Your Blonde!

Hello New Hair!!! I knew I was meant to blonde since I was I little girl...I have really know no other colour and I have dying my hair for almost 13 years now...I am so in love with bleach!!! I can't believe I still have hair!!! It should have fallen out by now!

Another day at work, another day waiting for sounds of the fax machine! My life is ruled and controled by them, oh the power of the fax. I did not know after so many years in university, that I a fax machine would be running my daily life. It was slow day today and I managed to drink almost two pots of tea! Yeah I must have been bored....maybe it was the ceasar I had for lunch...because this week I am working the early it means I can not have dairy at work because it gives me cramps when I run and the root beer slurpee has not yet returned to the shoppers drug mart! I really not want lime or orange pop!

Heather is waiting for the arrival of herbal tea lose kit, I am waiting to see if it works, I heard green tea does help you lose weight but I am unsure. hummm...I should switch to green tea in the morning rather than peppermint!

I went to the Blue Plate Dinner last night again, it was ok but I really did not like their veggie burger it had a coconut taste to it. I don't know...veggie burgers either taste good or suck ass!!! But the nachos were really good: they had some cool beans on them!

Behind all the Shades...

Ok...friday night I had my cards read...and I am still upside down. I can't believe it I am still confused and need to get order into my life. (all of this I ready knew..) I have decided to take his advice and get rid of the clutter that is confusing me yup I made my choice I am going to move! It is time to go west. Everyone else is going east but I need to go west. I also I am going to stop worrying about people who do not put the time and effort into me that they should. Now that sounds selfish but right now I have a couple of toxic people in my life claiming to be friends or claiming to be supportive but can not even return phone calls or wish me a happy birthday. I have two people in my life that I need space from...they just have not been very kind to me for a while. Also they are to busy with their own lives to put any effort into anyone elses.

I had my hairlighted and it looks great. It is a really nice blonde that is so bright and happy but I think yesterday it had to much product in it. yeah I really like it...it is my new beginning blonde..going forward. Time to change my job time to change my life...I think the tarot card reading was right I am bored with my life and I need some changes...I am thinking of moving to Victoria to be closer to Lisa. Somehow I feel that the place I should be right now...no more wasting time and effort.

I had an amazing run this morning...it was a smooth 50 minutes. I just keep going and I can't stop.

by the way the mango in love smoothie is great!!!

Mixed Views...But You Could Happy??!!

i am not sure what to say but I here I am I have lost 25 pounds in the last 6 months and I now wear a size six...wow talk about journey. I have become a gym freak I go every morning at 6 am and run and run cause at this point in my life it is the only thing I am sure of. None of old clothes fit, I feel they reflect my old life and the place I was before....I don't know the person I was and I don't know the person I have become. I see a smaller verison of myself and I never believed this was going to happen to me...somehow I held on...and made it.

I have alot things to think about in the next month, I can finally move to whether I want...I am unsure of where I want to go and what job to take. God!!! So difficult I want some reassurance that everything will be ok...I want to know...I will make it on the other side.. it just seems everyday this is part of me that wants to jump infront of the LRT and does not! And this why I am running...cause the running keeps me sane!

Work has been good....last weekend Heather and I look all weekend for the book Skinny bitch and could not find it!!! Someone put them all on hold but Jacob has extra 50% off all sale items. we were so disapointed at least I was!!! I am trying to cut out dairy, I am just trying to be healthy person...I don't think I could ever go back to girl who eats pizza a couple times a week...I am just not her...oh and this why I had to start running. Do i sound crazy!!???

Heather wants me to go with her again to Kelowna for the September long weekend..I am not sure when I am going out to BC again...I should go out soon....oh my head is spinning...by the way my health is fucked too!!! grrrr...does it get easier...!!! Rob said life gets harder as you get older...and i never use to believe him but now I do...I think this past year has been one of the hardest..I guess growing up sucks. Come on Blue Skies....things are going to be ok..