Not part of a Joy Divison

I am looking for some new pics to add here....but i can not find the digital camera. Today i am full of engery, the last couple weeks, I have had more than ever in the last coupel of months crazy huh. I feel my depression is finally lifting. Sometimes it just rolling in like a fog I can not control and overwhelms me. Mostly I suffer from anxiety now...which occurs almost every monday. I guess cause it is the start of the week but I am not sure why. I just find mondays very isolating, lonely and stressful. (This could be also due to pressures at work). I screwed up on a foreign exchange transfer on friday. I have been trying to so hard not to do that...cause it screws up...so many different things. At least we caught it early before it did to much damage.

I have been trying hard to avoid being placed on meds. I do not want to be anti-depressants again. The effexor did not work. I do worry about Jes being on effexor so long...it was difficult for him to stop taking them. I found my brain had a hard time adjusting without the meds. Heather feels the meds make make a difference...in my anxiety. It is only when I feel very anxish do I think I need them. I just think I need to go through this...I am getting so much more better, each week is easier and my work has improved alot. I am not so spacey and withdrawnin.

I've been listening to alot of British New Wave. It is great and often reflects how I feel. The music has a happy beat and depressing lyrics. It is kinda the way I feel, like I am the happiest depressed person.....I am not sure what to do with this, I was told this years ago when I went to therapy years ago.

Does everyone listen to Keane

I love the "we meant as well be strangers song". I am so hooked on it. Well it is wednesday and I am in the middle of another work week but I did buy new glasses today. They are these really cool gucci frames. I am so excited about them and I finally found a tattoo I like for my back. It is a butterfly, tommorow I will have to show Heather to see what she thinks. If I did go through with it I will post a pic...I am caught I am not sure if I want to fly to coast in feburay...but I really want to go visit.
Airfare is so cheap right now too

Back to the Bell Jar

I am too sure what is going to happen but here I am trying to find some peace. Work has been good and I have been trying hard to limit my errors. I am trying to recover from the mistakes I made over the fall. I really did not make the best impression. I am truely happy my good friend has returned from France. I feel I am turning over a new leaf cause I keep waking up everyday with new dream. Why Why...I can't get sucked back in...but last weekend was rough one, I woke sunday morning crying feeling like prisonor to my own misery. I just felt empty. "sigh" Where are my Sylvia Plath and Anne Sexton diaries. Will I always be stuck in the bell jar or grow out of this.

All fair with January Snow

Wow, Another year come and gone...I can't believe it. And what strange year it was. I am back here in the Prairies, and I am unsure of what to do with myself. I am at point where I wondering about moving or questioning if I should stay. This year will be filled with many new challenges but it looking like it will be interesting.

I miss happy so much it hard not having him close but he is growing up to be a fine kitty cat. My parents love him and I miss him so much