Long Weekend

 after returning home, and father passing a week ago, I find myself emotionally exhausted. This is the first time I have sat still and finally slept, I felt I had not slept in over a week after returning home. Too much to digest and think about. Work is blurry, I am going through the emotions of the day to day but feeling distant. 

I didn't spend enough time in Budapest, and I would like to return. The city feels stuck in between of moving in two directions. 

I'm kinda thinking about of my life, I'm half way through ... strange stop to be and something to consider, where I am going and what do I want to do with myself. 

Here another long weekend, slow ... uneventful - is this good ?? should it be more eventful ? 

Death in the Family

 Im writing blog on a train from Vienna to Budapest. I’m still processing everything, my father now living with Alzheimer’s disease feel down the stairs and needed Brian surgery to stop a brain bled, the reality is he will never be same. I’m not sure how to feel about this? I feel great relief all the verbal abuse from him is done, how I’m sad for him, im not sure this how he imagined himself dying or living with brain damage till he passes, whatever will happen he is forever changed. I was told by a friend who lost her father two years ago this day would come, I would have to deal with a death of a parent. I’m

Conflicted and happy to be removed from the situation. My father wasnt  a father, we didn’t connect or share a hobby, growing up he was an angry bully who often would breakdown with yell fits for hours. You couldn’t stop him, you just had sit and listen. I promised myself I would never live like this again or put up with someone who would yell and throw tantrums. 

So as my father lays in a coma I’m here riding the train to Budapest, moving on to the next stage.