2019 the Year of Losing Friends

I guess this happens with age. People part way, a good friend asked me to borrow money. I had to think about it and I declined her request kindly. I think she assumed I did have the funds to gift, sadly I don't. I still pay student loan debts and live day to day. I wish I could have helped but I feel money wont save her right now. 

It's a quiet weekend and I am waiting for my next dog walk. We are heading to the beach soon. I can't decide if I should run or wait. I am my heaviest weight on a long time and it feels depressing. It effects my mood and how I feel about everything. I can't fit into anything it a symptom of my life feeling out of control or my control. I guess it still is my control :(. 

I am almost 40 - 39 this year. With each facial they recommend anti aging products lol. feels old ... and I feel out dated. This year I have struggled with being stuck in the middle. Stuck in the middle of career and stuck in the middle of life. I'm not sure how to adjust to this ... and just muddle through it. 

Most days I like my job ... I still struggle with some HR issues but I need to focus on other things. Keep busy and stay in my own lane. 

good advice for my live with