An ode to being Stuck

It creeps up on you and before you know it ... Nothing has changed. Not sure which path I'm going down next ... Not sure about the roads .. But I'm back at the beginning again .. Facing change.

What is the universe trying to tell me ... I'm trying to listen ! Where should I go ... Should I do my masters ... What does my heart want ?

Rumi on Fire

Rumi on Fire

Rumi says

He burned to the ground trying to find his violin
He burned to death in a night club in Brazil

The fire was around him
The stars in view as the ceiling opened and collapsed
Heart facing, falling in love with Rumi
Bodies against the walls, pushed back unable to reach the doors
Rumi shouts down

To relieve the sleeping and release the discomfort

Places We go ... Even After Four Years

Watching the end of Sochi Olympics, I can't believe it has been four years since Vancouver. Wow time flies and what a change of pace since than. I watched the closing from my apartment in Edmonton. I still remember Sarah McLachlan's voice singing in BC place. I felt sad and hopeful, Keith and I had just broken up. I watch the torch passed to the next runner in front of the bank I worked at, the runner was so excited this was his moment, his part of the olympic. I felt hope watching him that amazing moments were still to come and I would be ok. Each day is a blessing ... sometimes we have to be broken to see the blessings and hear the message, but you have to be broken first.

So much has happened, so many different roads passed, four years I still could not image how I was going to come back to coast. I am feeling like watching the twilight movies ... Stacy read my cards and at this moment many good things are coming my way. I am feeling so self aware, of the miracles.

It was snowy morning here, and the snow stuck. still sick and feeling run down, I am looking forward to starting my pre courses for my MA. I am so seriously going to do it. I'm not the greatest writer but it time to change that story.

Yesterday Rob came over, he is spending the weekend on the mainland. We went to Costco and picked up some snacks. I finally bought some new socks for running. Looked at TV's ... I think I am going to finally have cable again. I just don't want to get sucked into watching TV all the time and avoiding my studies and yoga.

Love bug is back .... hugs for dinner

Raven Rising

Beautiful Thursday you greet with me with Hello and a warm friendly sunset. This month I spent most of it sick or in bed ... but I still feel alot of progress and warm inside my soul. I finally passed my WME this week .. feels good to be done after so much studying. I'm loved so much beyond I know.... and the universe loved me before I was even conscience.

I went to the island Saturday morning and slept on the ferry my head was still foggy, yesterday was the first day in two weeks I did not talk any flu or cold medication. Spent the day in the log cabin and bought a cheesecake for post valentines dinner. Feel asleep early which did not sit well with Rob... I spent most the night grumpy and angry at me. I'm always torn what is my duty in this situation, but my mind/body is so exhausted. He does not always understand, how do people find romance after 13 years. This is the question and something I need to explore to keep my relationship healthy and alive.

My mind is so busy and does not fall asleep anymore ... the iron meds make feel like I am in a mental race.

Dreaming of summer...and less annoyed at work. Looking forward to friday afternoon and sleeping in. For so many reasons lately I am blessed and the universe will guide me.

Love Day: For my Valentine

I spent Valentines day rewriting my exam, my head stuffed up. My brain feeling like cotton. Nothing felt good but my second attempt felt easier. I woke up at six ... i had an extra hour to sleep in this morning and lay in bed. My morning mediation was about love and feeling love all around.

This past ...I have struggled and felt sick/exhausted. My head cold still feels strong even today after six days. My garage bin filled with kleenex and I sneezed most days. I have not felt this sick for so long in a couple of years. I'm lucky to have good health. Each afternoon ... I would stare at my text book ...trying to remember the taxation chapter and retirement planning. I was planning on another afternoon nap in my very short time horizon. Nothing about studying when sick feels easy.

I'm thinking about the future things I want ... and where I want to be. I can't decide ... options are slowly coming my way. I am thinking of going back to school. I am in awe I am even considering this ... after saying last september I would not be going back to school for several years. It's amazing what a surf retreat does to ambition.

So much to be thankful for this week. I am feeling lucky at work and appericated which is does not happen very often from employers. Each day is new day and so lucky to be here to experience the growth and love.

Rob is coming over tomorrow or maybe later tonight. I bought him a tin of west coast tea ...and a card..with the words je t'aime on the front of it. Can't believe so many milestones we have experienced together, We are lucky. I'm feeling good inside wishing the world could share my happiness.

It was nice to have the day off ...to spend to shop after my exam. I do not go downtown very often anymore but I enjoyed the stores and the new clothes. I have some ideas for spring shopping.

The streets were filled with small venders selling flowers ... and it was nice to see all pink/white/red colours on the street corners. Spring is coming to Vancouver and the city is coming back to life.

Best Wishes to those who are feeling loved tonight and hope and hugs to those who feel alone. A heart has so much hope ..... to be beautiful and shine.

Miracles did happen last weekend ... Rob skidded away the island highway. He was not hurt and the car was not damaged. Truly a miracle as the only harm was Rob was very shaken up. Small Miracles happening everyday in our lives.

Miracles Happen

This week it is cold in the city. The weather was chilly and dropped into the minuses. My apartment is cold and little heat. I am not sure why ... I'm use to having a warm home.

This morning I woke up with a head ache and head cold and my monthly friend. I was not in the greatest mood after discovering the heat was off too. I crawled out of bed went for a run and went back to sleep. This pain will pass.

Yoga was wonderful yesterday, I loved the hot yoga and the feeling of stretching. My muscles feeling more relaxed.

Work has created some stress in my mind and upper back. I am slowly trying to understand what the universe wants me to learn and how I see the gifts in this situation. My heart knows something will happen.

Rob left for the island today and I am staying in the mainland. I miss him already but I was not feeling well to travel on the ferry, so I stayed in bed. He was tired for work. I saw Rob Monday night on set at Lonsdale Quay. I felt special because he bought me a chocolate heart from the candy store in the Quay.

My text is sitting in front of me. I have rewrite my second exam. Maybe this time I wont feel so rushed on friday. I feeling good about the exam and I am looking forward to completing my WME. One step at a time.

I am feeling small miracles everywhere lately, from how my coffee tastes in the morning to my morning meditation. My body is feeling more restored after I have adjusted my iron intake. I do not recall when I had so much energy with the expection of this weekend.

I am looking forward to long weekend next week with valentines day and next monday. Will be nice to have some time for myself. I have been very lucky because I how many days off I have taken since November. Maybe March I will work a full month.

Looking forward to Paris this fall with Lisa.

PS ate the best cookie today at the cafe with my coffee...it was my sick treat.