I love vodka sodas...and the city of Vancouver. Last night I am so present and so thankful for the very special evening. For all experiences I know I am blessed.
With the end of RSP season coming, this week has been so busy and felt draining. I can hardly keep up with my work. For everything....and every moment I trust in the universe and I know I am taken care of.
Last night I went to see Michael Meade..I was moved my his performance. I realized OM is home...and when I chanting Om I am coming home back to self...my home is my heart and always with me. I just made the connection last night. I also realized why when things get tough we have to reinvent the way we found happiness...we are always learning...and getting back to happiness is always a sliding scale. However it's the journey...I was so moved by his ideas about story telling and myths...and how we don't share stories in our western culture....and why this is so important. Where are the wise people and who will stand up and lead....elders hold all the wisdom....why are fewer older people stepping up. We spend so much time challenging younger people...I want to challenge older people....to set up and speak out for change....so much chatter in my mind. So many gifts last night...We all get stuck in the ashes...time to rise up....find the spark...
I had a wonder dinner at East is East...and drank the most lovely chai! After at 1:00 we went to the Foundation for nachos and wow...amazing...for the middle of night...I forgot how much I loved being out late at night...it has been along time...since I have done that... :) for the experience I shared I feel lucky...so blessed to have good conversation and food...
Today has been a slow Saturday night and I trying to study. I found my love for accounting this week...slowly falling back into the CFA grove...so slowly getting back studying. So much to do ....so many gifts to share....
I have spent so much time thinking small and holding myself back...afraid of judgement from others. I held so tightly to my experience in grade 5 .....and the public shaming I felt by classmates....now I am starting to forgive...starting to let people in....starting to move on....I never knew how deeply this experience shaped my reality. I learned I could not trust...all these stories...I told myself....now no longer serve me. Now I share a new story. Today I feel beautiful and accepted by myself. No more weak heart. All Brave soul.....all good here tonight on the North Shore...my heart is at peace.
Saturday, February 23, 2013
Monday, February 18, 2013
I Love all the Songs from Grade 12
I am reliving something from my past, I can't stop listening to songs from my days as a teenage. I keep hearing them in public restrooms. I am hooked on the melodies and how all the memories flood back to me. They fill my conscience and make me so present. I feel drunk and hopeful. All things coming circle. So help me feel love again...I have chosen to fill my ipod with love songs...and started slowly warming up to love again. I can't say I am fully healed but I am getting closer. And I know...it wont be long now, till the attachment fades. He will soon be part of my past and not my conscience. I have new story and new goals. In time...
Today is a special day for me. Last year at this time Stacy and I were eating at the Oil Lamp having Greek food and saying good bye...it was my last day in Edmonton, my last night. I slept alone in my apartment on a old sheet. Hopeful for my move. With my bags packed ....I took one last look at my apartment at 9820 104 street, I was ready. The room was filled with light, it looked the same as the first time I saw it. Bright. It was a strange day because I saying good bye. Good bye to city where I had called home for 7 years. It was time to go...I was ready. However I never really felt I said good bye till Roop drove me to the airport....last January. A lot has changed in the past year, many good some lessons. All that happened as the universe has planned for me. I am blessed and taken care of. I am so grateful for this journey....the universe lets my heart smile. I will never live in Edmonton again. It will never be my home...it was part of the journey I was sent on.
Two weekends ago I went to Campbell River with Rob. It was a magic and restful weekend. It was so nice to spend time with him in his new house and share his excitement. The house is beautiful of log cabin one block away from the ocean. It was an amazing to wake up to see the ocean. I felt at peace. Each moment we shared from making breakfast together to spending time in the sauna. Of course I was alittle tipsy drunk from blueberry vodka. Somehow traveling on BC ferries ... I feel like I am resolving something. I find the ferry ride peaceful. So looking forward to going back to visit in the next coming weeks. I really want to bake a chicken dinner for him. He holds my heart so dearly. For his love I am truly blessed. My heart is always at home in his arms.
Since my break up with a married man...I have decided I would to trying dating again and I feel ready to meet some people. I had an awesome date on friday with a very enlightened man. I have not known someone so spirtual but not in annoying granola way. It was nice to share some conversation and couple of drinks at Carderos in Coal Harbour. I do look forward to maybe spending some more time with him in the future. I felt very comfortable. Very strange...we both feel we are always helping our partners to improve themselves...so what does this mean for us????
This weekend was my long weekend. It was restful...I was so lazy on Saturday...I just wanted to sleep. I finally found my way to yoga studio. I went back home...to Todd's class. He started the class with some amazing words...he said we all start first times. Remember your first yoga class, your first day at a new job....lets embrace the new experience. These words felt healing to me....as I started to hate yoga...and associate it with the married man. However I choose to start over again...and I felt my heart melt and open. So lucky to come back to mat....as it was always there for me.
Today is a special day for me. Last year at this time Stacy and I were eating at the Oil Lamp having Greek food and saying good bye...it was my last day in Edmonton, my last night. I slept alone in my apartment on a old sheet. Hopeful for my move. With my bags packed ....I took one last look at my apartment at 9820 104 street, I was ready. The room was filled with light, it looked the same as the first time I saw it. Bright. It was a strange day because I saying good bye. Good bye to city where I had called home for 7 years. It was time to go...I was ready. However I never really felt I said good bye till Roop drove me to the airport....last January. A lot has changed in the past year, many good some lessons. All that happened as the universe has planned for me. I am blessed and taken care of. I am so grateful for this journey....the universe lets my heart smile. I will never live in Edmonton again. It will never be my home...it was part of the journey I was sent on.
Two weekends ago I went to Campbell River with Rob. It was a magic and restful weekend. It was so nice to spend time with him in his new house and share his excitement. The house is beautiful of log cabin one block away from the ocean. It was an amazing to wake up to see the ocean. I felt at peace. Each moment we shared from making breakfast together to spending time in the sauna. Of course I was alittle tipsy drunk from blueberry vodka. Somehow traveling on BC ferries ... I feel like I am resolving something. I find the ferry ride peaceful. So looking forward to going back to visit in the next coming weeks. I really want to bake a chicken dinner for him. He holds my heart so dearly. For his love I am truly blessed. My heart is always at home in his arms.
Since my break up with a married man...I have decided I would to trying dating again and I feel ready to meet some people. I had an awesome date on friday with a very enlightened man. I have not known someone so spirtual but not in annoying granola way. It was nice to share some conversation and couple of drinks at Carderos in Coal Harbour. I do look forward to maybe spending some more time with him in the future. I felt very comfortable. Very strange...we both feel we are always helping our partners to improve themselves...so what does this mean for us????
This weekend was my long weekend. It was restful...I was so lazy on Saturday...I just wanted to sleep. I finally found my way to yoga studio. I went back home...to Todd's class. He started the class with some amazing words...he said we all start first times. Remember your first yoga class, your first day at a new job....lets embrace the new experience. These words felt healing to me....as I started to hate yoga...and associate it with the married man. However I choose to start over again...and I felt my heart melt and open. So lucky to come back to mat....as it was always there for me.
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