State of Mystery

I am going back to coast soon. I am so excited and I have so many people to visit! I feel like i have forgotten about these people. i will be moving Happy to his new home and I hope he likes it. i feel horrible for him as he spends many days alone now. Poor Happy. Soon all of this will be over.

How do things change so much and go so wrong.

Work is great is keeps me together and my mind busy. i want to go home. We had the first snow and it covered the ground. it is the first years cold snap it made me so homesick and feel so isolated. it is time to move on. I keep thinking coming here was a mistake. I knew when I moved here and I was crying I had made a horrible mistake.

Almost two weeks since Happy

It has almost been two weeks since I have lived with my baby. I miss Happy much!!!! This weekend was excellent. I had pizza with champange at three in the morning. Who would have guess that would upset my stomach so much. I had my hair lighlighted and it looks good. I told Rene I wanted to be a blonde bombshell and she did her best. It looks amazing and made me feels so good and pretty! Later I saw her at New City which was funny cause I was not expecting her to be there. Saturaday was full of pleasent surprises.

Happy is doing better but is still very frightened since I have moved out. My ex has not been so kind to him and he is not caring enough for Happy's needs. This is very sad. I know he is freaked out. Friday will be a big day for him as he will having his big boy operation on friday! Poor Happy.

Under an Orange Sky

Somedays I think everything will ok. I just need to have confidence it will all work out. I have been working lots and I feel am doing more work than my co-workers. It kinda sucks I end up staying late at the office to get everything done for the next day while they go home early. Next week will be better. I keep reminding myself things will get better.

Today I wore my boots, i think they helped make me feel better. I am just trying to stand tall. I am looking forward to seeing Happy on the weekend. I feel I have not been able to hold him for a while. I know he misses me. I miss him today. We are all hurting. I guess it just takes time.

one more quest for peace and hope

Working has giving me something to do to take my mind of the disfunctional situation i have create. i need to not push things so far. I need to calm down and relax. So here I am. i do not even have ability to shop. I just don't want new clothes. I just hurt today. Things will be better tommorow.

How Places Change

My old apartment has nothing left of me except a pile of clothes in the closet. I feel like that is all I meant in that relantionship. It is sad when you realize things are changing and people are moving on. It hurts to know there are only small pieces of me left there. I guess it is better that way. I miss the apartment, I loved the view and the way it was layed out. That apartment had so much promised and I remember laying in bed the first night we moved in and being so excited about our place i could not sleep. It is strange how everything becomes memories and you fad so fast out of a persons life. Did i really mean that little???

Spoke to Soon!

I am wrong and a fool. I spoke to soon. Things have not been going well since the last post. I think this is theme. I have moved back into my old place with my sister. I am really not to impressed ith doing this but had no other choice. I hope things can improve and both of us can find inner peace to heal this situation. Only time and space is on my side. But do not think we will recover from this I think it is to late to save this relationship. So I have started to move on, it is all I can do right now.

Work is great everyone is so supportive of me and understanding. i really am enjoying my job and I think I am good at it. "sigh" I felt like in August I had everything going for me I guess you can't have everything. You just get greedy.